Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Random Tuesday Thoughts? Not so much!

So I was going to try my hand at random Tuesday Thoughts, because let's face it, my life is pretty random! Well I don't know about you, but I think it's really cool when there seems to be an interlocking theme to things, sort of by accident (although I don't really believe in those). Here's some sort of random things from today and then you'll see where I'm going with this.
I have a weight problem.  To make a long story short, I'm a very busy Mom of a 6 year old soccer player and a 2 year old son who currently climbs the walls at home with me (quite literally some days).  In addition, I have a weekly Bible Study and voice lessons that I attend for myself.  I also have a home based business which I work very hard to succeed at, and, if I do say so myself, it's going quite well for someone who never saw herself as the "pushy home-party lady" (and thank God I am not that person).  But that comment right there in parentheses brings me to part of my point: we all form those snap judgements about others and it really isn't fair, is it?
So anyway, the other part of my point here is that my "busy-ness" has long been an excuse for my weight.  And really, obesity, is a better word because that's what I am.  I am more than 30 pounds overweight, more likely at least 50 pounds overweight.  BUT I'M REALLY BUSY! I am not lazy, but I don't turn every movement into an exercise either! Chasing my 2 year old son around the house should count, but alas, for me and my tortoise-paced-metabolism, it is not enough.  I have always hated that stigma about overweight people being lazy, but I admit I have been guilty of that thought in the past. Even my husband pretty much thinks that all overweight people can be thin with exercise (don't even get me started on that one!).
Really, the bigger issue than what I eat, how much I eat, and how much I do or do not exercise, is HOW I eat (or at least how I ate until about 4 weeks ago).  Since I became a Mom, I learned that as much as I LOVE my kids, I don't love jumping up and down 50 times during my meal.  I learned whether I work hard to prepare a meal or someone prepares it for me, I want to enjoy it while it's hot.  I have learned my least favorite words to hear when that meal is in front of me and hot, are "MOOOM! I have to go to the bathroom!" OR, "MOOOM! I need more milk." OR "MOOOM! I dropped my spoon!"
Somewhere along the way, I just started shoving it in as fast as I could so that I would actually get to eat.  Forget slowing down to taste it, slowing down to let my stomach realize it's been fed, slowing down to think about whether what I just ate was one serving or two! I am changing this but it's a slow process...
In addition to already being overweight, eating in public is fodder for serious self-consciousness! I really worry about what people think when they see me eating.  Are they analyzing my food choices? Does the waitress have an internal dialog going about whether or not I should or shouldn't be eating what I've ordered?
BUT you know what? I'm with Jen over at mommamadeitlookeasy.  No matter what, IT IS NOT OK to make fun of, make jokes about, or make mean comments or assumptions about ANYONE, ANYTIME, EVER! It's not fair!
Because I am not my weight! I am not just some fat lady assumed to be lazy!
Get to know me! You'll see a loyal, kind-hearted person who loves helping others and wears her heart on her sleeve.  You'll see a wife and a mother who tries really hard to please the people I love all the time.  You'll see that I over-commit myself and sign myself up for way more than one person can reasonably do in a day, but I do it for good reason- I do it out of love.  
Today, if you had seen me with my wild animals children in Staples, you might not have seen the me that's kind! I mean, really, I wanted to hurt them! It was insane! My kids were so bad and I was so embarrassed, that I cried on the way home.  Sweetpea knew it was because of them. She asked me why I was crying but then whispered to her little brother, "we made Mommy cry."
But there it is again: I was embarrassed because I knew what other customers were thinking.  I knew they were rushing to judgement about the kind of person and Mother I am.  Some were likely thinking I needed more patience with my kids, because they were just being kids (those people didn't know how many of my buttons had been pushed before Staples). I felt like a bad Mama.
BUT HERE'S MY POINT: WE HAVE TO STOP THIS! We all have to stop this.  We have to stop allowing ourselves to even think those kind of things about another person.  We have to stop saying them to that person or anyone else. AND JUST BECAUSE YOU TRY TO MAKE IT FUNNY, DOESN'T MEAN IT'S A JOKE! Our kids learn from us! I want to my kids to learn how to be kind, uplifting individuals who stand up for what's right! I want them to stand up for others who don't, won't, or can't stand up for themselves.
This isn't just about bullying, it's about compassion.  Because what I feel when someone gives me "that look" that says I shouldn't be eating THAT, is a terrible feeling! I would never want to inflict that pain on someone else- would you?
Really- think about it.
I'm going to practice more compassion for people I don't know- how about you?
(and, YES, I really want you to answer :-))


  1. Yay! I love it. All of it. And I agree 100%. Thanks for joining me.

  2. I like to think of myself as not judgmental, but rather I have my own feelings about things but I would never push that on anyone else. Still, I know, I need to look within myself and consider if it might be seeping out into my behavior and comments, even subconsciously. I don't think it is, but I don't know if I'm objective enough to see. Hmm. good post! I'll be watching myself!!!

  3. Excellent post! You really nailed it. Well done.