Monday, September 19, 2011

Where am I?

I am here.
Or, at least, I'm trying to be.

In my journey to discover  choose joy, I have already learned a lot.  One thing I keep going back to, is that joy is a choice.  One of the things that robs me of that choice (or at least makes me feel joy is no longer a choice) is just general day to day life and busy-ness.  I get so caught up in getting from point A to point B and all the things I need to check off my list in-between A and B, that I spend most days hurried, short-tempered, and severely lacking in gratitude, grace for others, and joy.

I am still reading Ann Voskamp's book and her blog whenever possible.  It gives me much to ponder.
One of my favorite parts of the book, she has excerpted on her blog this weekend.  Check it out here.

I feel as if I am making progress.  This weekend I was able to sit at a football game in the rain, and simply enjoy the family experience we were having.  No worries about it being past the kids' bedtime.  No worries about the rain ruining my hair or makeup.  No worries about all the other things I could have been doing in that time.

I saw joy in the face of my son, only 3, totally enraptured with the ball game.  I saw both kids dance, clap, and startle a little when our team scored and they shot off the cannon.  I got to hear such sweet words from the young lips of my baby boy, "I loved the ball game, Dad."  I saw their sweet faces, peaceful in sleep which came before we were even half-way home.

I've always known that enjoying where I am right now rather than pining for the past or yearning for the future could bring joy.  I guess I'm still just trying to figure out how to live in the RIGHT now, right now.
Does that make sense?

Sunday, September 11, 2011

An Award? For Moi?

WOW! Kerry at the signing life has nominated me for the  Versatile Blogger's Award!
And actually, this is the second time I've been nominated...
the first time, I was so new to this blogging thing, that I didn't really know what to do.
I certainly didn't know 15 other blogs to nominate!
Guess what? I still don't, but I'm going to do my best!

To accept this award, the nominee must do the following things:
1) Thank the person who gave the nomination (Thanks again, Kerry!)
2) List 7 interesting facts about him or herself (Yikes!)
3) Pass on the nomination to 15 newly discovered blogs

Here are my seven {cough} interesting facts about myself:       
1. I met my husband in college when we were freshmen; he was dating my roommate at the time.  Later, I dated his roommate before we ended up together :-)

2. Before becoming a Mom and leaving the work force to be with the kids, I worked in banking.  I was robbed twice at gun-point; yep- gun in my face.  Good times!

3. When I was younger, I took ballet for 5 years. I moved to the "en pointe" class a year earlier than everyone else.  I really enjoyed it but never thought I was all that good, so I gave it up.  Definitely wish i hadn't!

4. Somehow with all my interest in dancing, singing, acting, etc.  I ended up in an engineering program in college. I know, right? Obviously, I didn't end up in that field...

5. I was in Air Force ROTC one year in high school.

6. I overheard someone describe her daughter this way today:"if she doesn't really know you, you'll think she's the most quiet and shy girl you've ever met.  Once she gets to know you and starts talking--watch out!"  It's a pretty accurate description for me as well.

7. At 35, I am finally beginning (and learning) to accept who I am right now and not feel the need to apologize.  I am learning that acceptance doesn't have to mean settling.

DUDE! That was hard! 
Now it's time to share the love!

Check out these new blogs I've been reading or have recently discovered! Leave them some comment love!
My nominees for the Versatile Blogger Award are:

Sara@ life's recipe
Stephanie @My Write Side
RedWriter@Life-A Memoir of Existence (who also nominated me a while back for this award; thanks!)
Lynda@my hearts desire
Nicole@Confessions of an Average Housewife
Jennifer @ from the corner of my couch

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Shove this!

This post is linked up with...

The Prompts:
1.) Write about a time you shoved someone.
2.) If you were a hoarder, based on your personality…what would you hoard? (better yet, ask someone who knows you well, what they think you would hoard).
3.) First day of school pictures…let’s have’em!
4.) 911 memories.
5.) Your summer recap in a poem and pictures.
Hmmm...a time I shoved someone?

Well I grew up with two younger brothers so I am quite certain I shoved at least one of them more times than I can count (you know who you are :-) Sorry, bro; in my defense, you probably shoved/ hit/held me down me way more than I ever did you so therefore you deserved it, right?)

Any who...
there is this one incident I keep remembering and as I clear away the fog, it wasn't really a shove.

I was in the 7th grade, which at the time, in my town/ school system was part of middle school.  There was a separate school for Jr. High and another for High School and yet another for K thru 6.  I know! Confusing, right?
There was this girl bully who obviously had some home issues.  EVERYONE was scared of her; truthfully, so was I.  She was rough; got suspended, started fights (or finished them, depending on your perspective), AND there were lots of rumors about her family.  In fact, everyone in town with THAT last name, was "known" to be wealthy from a less-than-respectable business. 
For some reason, one day Bobbi (not her real name), started a conversation about whose a** she could kick.    
Like it was 20 questions or something...
she would throw out a name and I was supposed to say yes or no.  So most of my answers were "I don't know" accompanied by shoulder shrugs.
Eventually, we got to the million dollar question, "What about you? Do you think I can kick your a**?"
Determined to not show fear and perhaps psych her out a little, my response, "I don't know, but if you think you're so bad, why don't you come on?!"
Where that came from, I'll never know! I guess I figured someone had to stand up to her eventually.
So anyway, she jumps out of her seat and proceeds to stand over me.
Again in an effort to remain in control and not let her intimidate me, I chose to remain seated.
She wrapped her hand around the front of my neck, so I proceeded to do the same.  As we each held the other at arm's length with one hand, she taunted me to go ahead and hit her.  I was smarter than that!
I was waiting for her to make the first move, take the first punch- whatever!
She finally did hit me; more of a slap really and I immediately repeated the motion against her face.  Only with her, she saw it coming and moved/ ducked so I sort of hit her on the head instead.  As soon as I did that, she dropped her hands and sat back down.
Honestly, I don't think she thought I would do it.  I doubt anybody, other than another member of her rough and tumble family, had EVER stood up to her before.
Of course in the weeks and months to come, anyone who had witnessed it told it very differently.
My not standing up? That was because I was a coward, not because I refused to let her intimidate me.
My slap? Completely non-existent.  I became known as "the girl Bobbi slapped."

It was hard to swallow then (not that I was ever a popular kid anyway), but looking back I don't regret the way I handled the situation.
OK! So maybe sometimes I wish I'd really beat the snot out of her! BUT looking back, it wouldn't have changed anything.

And I came across a great quote today that I can apply here:

"Remove those 'I want you to like me' stickers from your forehead and, instead, place them where they truly will do the most good - on your mirror!" -Susan Jeffers

Because, really, at the end of every day isn't it much more important that I like me than who else does?
Isn't it far more meaningful what I think of my thoughts and actions than speculating what others think?

Isn't it best, that I can be proud of who I am and hold my head high for the choices I made?

I say "YES, YES, YES!"

*photo credit: