Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Happy New Year to you!  

I don't know what you did for New Year's Eve, but as I lay in bed last night (barely still awake at midnight, much less celebrating) I listened to fireworks and I thought.

I wrote, actually...an entire blog post, plus some, in my head.  I do this a lot but for some reason most of it never actually makes it to my blog.

And I pondered reflected on 2012.  Was it a good year? It wasn't what I would deem a bad one.  I'm not a big resolution maker really, so I couldn't base the year on successfully keeping (or not) a resolution.  

My goal is always the same, yet ever changing...
...to be the best ME that I can be... 
...to LOVE those who are dear to me, and even those who are hard to love, with the most love that I can muster...  
...to be obedient, first to Him, His calling for me, and then to my husband and family...
...to grow closer to Christ for myself, but also that I might share Him with and show Him to others...

they sound like mostly simple things, just like writing a blog post or journal entry SOUNDS like such a simple thing

yet, somehow it FEELS less-than-simple

And then today, I started reading other peoples posts, comments, and general feelings about the exit of 2012 and the start of 2013.  

On one hand, I get so much from reading Ann's words on the subject, along with my new friend, Lori's, thoughts ...
while on the other, reading also invites my ugly green friend in.

I despise envy! It's just so ugly, yet I so often am the dwelling in which it lives! 

Reading their words, I am stuck by the ease and poetic rhythm with which they write.  I can't help but ask, "Why can't it be that easy for me?"

And just as I told someone over the weekend, I have no idea what goes on in other people's heads and hearts; the back -story to the "front" story that I actually get to know / read.  

And I feel guilty...

It is one of the things I work on most under the umbrella of being more like Him...accepting myself as I am, imperfect, faulted, and never deserving of the grace he gives so freely.  I want to be more conscious of all the blessings I have each day, so that less of the "I want that" or "I want to be like that" can creep in.

Accepting myself, with all faults included is also difficult, but I am determined! 
As I lay thinking last night, I mentally celebrated how far I've come in my journey to be "real" with myself and with others.

Tonight as I type, a pitiful and drooping Christmas tree mocks me from across the room.  In desperate need of stripping so that it can be put out of it's misery, it is an eyesore of a reminder that Christmas break was far too short this year.
I almost want to leave it up another week because every year it seems Christmas just zooms by faster and this fast paced world sucks up my holiday joy as it dashes past...almost

Tomorrow, the kids go back to school and the routine resumes.
And the household that I pray a covering of grace for is also covered in dust and what looks like a Christmas explosion!

But it's ok...God didn't make me a great housekeeper, but He did make me teachable.  And even if I never learn to keep an impeccably clean and organized house, I am learning who I am and who He made me to be (while I certainly haven't arrived there)!

Here's to a year full of learning who you are, and loads and loads of grace!

1 comment:

  1. you are too kind, Leslie, and honey, the delete button is my friend! my problem is that what I really want to say, what my ugly flesh wants to scratch out on my screen everyday is not so pretty and so I backtrack and breathe and let the Lord take over my fingers. Sometimes I let Him take over willingly and sometimes I pout. Mostly I pout. But like you, I am learning and ALL IS GRACE. Praying for you as you open yourself up to being changed and count your gifts, your blessings, your mundane life things-they add up to JOY. Many hugs to you!