On Being {REAL}...

Sometimes I think life would be easier if...
I lived close to someone who inspires me like this girl or maybe this one.
I could totally lose myself, in a good way, on a farm in the middle of nowhere.

My son's Lincoln Log rendering of a farm...

That first girl I mentioned, she lives in my hometown.  A long time ago, I promised to never go back there. But reading her journey, I wonder if I've been wrong - missing out, even. 

In some ways, living there might make life easier...my parents are there, as is my Mom's extended family including my Grandmother.  My kids would actually get to see those people more than a few times a year.
But living there would also be harder.  The economy has not been kind to my hometown,  #2 on this list. 

And I think what I am craving is community.  And I think I have it {sort of}, but I just lost sight of it in this lack of routine we call summer.  I seem to always lose myself in the summers, although this year is certainly better than the last 2 or 3 were.

I have this word tumbling around in my head:
{AUTHENTIC}
and what it really means.  

Because for me?

The REAL meaning of this word = scary for me.

On Sunday afternoon I caught myself.  Words tumbled out of my mouth in a way that let me know I was getting really comfortable with the ladies I was talking to - and that's not bad.  

BUT {there's always a "but" - LOL}, it alarmed me too.  
I immediately wondered if what I said and how I said it might have been taken the wrong way - might have offended someone. 

And y'all? We were talking about necklaces!

Still I couldn't let myself off the hook...

What does it really mean to be REAL? To be AUTHENTIC?

I DON'T think it means we never choose our words carefully.  I DON'T think it means we never make mistakes or need to apologize.

But I also don't think it means we can say hurtful things and then hide behind the guise of "being real."

I do think it means no embellishing. It means telling the truth.  It means not hiding everything from everyone.  It means not pretending to have it all together, when I so clearly do NOT!

It means having that one person, or small group of people, you can confide in rather than saying, "I'm fine," one more time.

We're all human and crave human community and contact.  The "virtual" world will never make up for what we get from REAL world relationships.

I think for me that first BIG step towards being more authentic - real - transparent is developing that community.  Not just for myself, but to satisfy that craving for someone else too.

And maybe I've already taken that first step.
Looking back on this past year, I have been doing just that - building community with new people.  
Becoming a walking partner to someone who really seemed to need someone to talk to; becoming more outspoken at church and in the choir; taking more of a leadership role in my small group Bible Study or choir.

It's coming, slowly but surely, it's coming.

I just have to remember to keep taking steps forward - not stay in the same place for too long.  If I stop moving, I stunt my own spiritual and personal growth.

What do you think?
What does authentic mean to you?

I know my pictures must seem so random, but I LOVE taking cool nature pictures! Since I don't post pictures of my family and kids most of the time, I like to fill the space with my other pretties