Friday, August 23, 2013

On Writing and the Mixed Emotions it Brings

I've always loved to write.

I remember when writing became a big deal in school ~ around 5th or 6th grade.  
I always did well ~ scored well ~ pleased the teachers with my assignments.

But there were rules to writing.
"Write what you know," they said.
"Tell us what you're going to tell us, then tell us, and then tell us what you told us." {Huh?}
That was their way of describing an introduction, body, and conclusion of a "good" written assignment.

These days, writing is so much more than the right format.
I remember where I was (metaphorically, not physically} when I started this blog two years ago.
Worse than that, I remember WHO I was when I started this blog.
Reading my first post now, makes me cringe.
But it was therapeutic and that was the point.

Writing still is therapeutic for me but there aren't really any "rules."  At least, not here, in my own private space.
The first rule I set for myself was to be honest.
The second rule I had, and had always intended to keep, was that I would blog anonymously.

Now I realize, those two things don't seems to go together.
But, knowing that everything you put on the internet will likely be there forever, I wanted to protect not only my young children, and anyone else who didn't want to be "outed" about a particular occurrence, but I was also trying to protect myself.
This space was MY space - sort of like a journal where I could write things I found difficult to say.  

A few months ago, I was challenged by a friend to blog a series called {31 Days of Grace}. 
I'd read her series of the same title and so I wrote my own.
31 consecutive posts about how I grew up and became who I am today.

While quite helpful for me overall, it was difficult to write.  I shared and admitted a lot of things from my adolescence that were very personal and painful.
On other occasions, I have blogged emotionally about someone specific who hurt or angered me.

So today, writing has me a little on edge.
I'm excited to say I have a post over at {Rise}.

You can read it here

There's something different about this writing assignment than most of my posts - 
the bio at the end! It has a picture of me and my kids and my actual {gasp!} name.

So today, writing has me freaked.  More than a little freaked out actually.
I feel the need to pray for {Grace} and to ask it of my readers. 
My fear has always been that something I wrote here in my personal space, my journal of sorts, would be misinterpreted by someone else.  That someone might read a story and recognize themselves in it.
Maybe not even agree with my viewpoint of the situation I wrote about or feel hurt by it {and that was never the purpose}.

So I ask for your grace in reading my space.
Remembering that my viewpoints are just that - mine.
I do realize there are two sides to every story.  In my journaling here, I have followed my own rule to be honest, even when it was hard and hurtful.

Now that other rule? The one about telling us what you're gonna tell us and blah, blah, blah?

Well, I think that one might have gotten lost somewhere along the way!

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