Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Praying for a hole or praying for a whole?

For those of you who have been following my blog, you know my Mom has been experiencing some health issues.  She has been going through testing and procedures to ensure a correct diagnosis and determine next steps.  Today she had a procedure that looks for holes in the walls of her heart, or at least, the vein system flowing through her heart.
Now, I know this will sound strange, but finding a hole, would be a good thing.  It means determining a cause behind the original diagnosis of pulmonary hypertension.  It helps differentiate between Primary or Idiopathic Pulmonary Hypertension (no known cause or cure) and Secondary Pulmonary Hypertension (caused by another, correctable issue).
It sounded like a scary procedure.  Mom explained it on the phone last night.  I think she is trying to present everything very matter-of-factly and with a brave face on it.  But I can't help but wonder: she has to be scared, right? I mean, I know God doesn't give us a spirit of fear; it comes from the enemy.  But still, we are all human.  Fear is something we've experienced on an emotional level since early childhood!
So how does one put that aside in lieu of Total Trust and Faith in an emotionally tense situation such as this?
Don't get me wrong!
I believe in miracles.  I believe in Divine Healing. I believe in God's will and that he has a hope and a purpose for each of us in every situation we live through (Jer 29:11).
So why can't I do it?
Why can't I move past my fear and into Full Faith?
I hope and pray it doesn't have to get harder before I figure it out!

An Update: Mom's procedure did not reveal any holes.  I am grateful for that, but also sad.  It means we still don't have a "fix-it." I realize maybe we aren't supposed to, but for now I keep hoping for one.

On an alternate note: I have decided to participate in one thousand gifts. See it here.  Feel free to participate yourself.  For me, there are so many little things I give thanks for every day.  Now I want to write them down in an accruing list and share them with you.  For me personally, I would like to list at least 7 each day, but you can participate in your own way.
Also, check out blog author, Ann's, book: One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are.  You can even read the first chapter in the right margin of her blog: http://www.aholyexperience.com/

So here's my list for today (some from a recent post, here)...

1.) my baby boy, not really a baby anymore, who still says, “hold me, Mommy!”
2.) his insanely long eyelashes brushing my cheek and neck as he snuggles into me.
3.) It’s how he gives me Eskimo kisses and says, “nosey, nosey, nosey” 
4.) It’s the love notes my daughter writes me…
5.) ...the rainbows she draws me.
6.) when either of the kids laughs out loud in their sleep
7.) when hubby makes me so mad I just want to knock him out, but when I turn to look at him, he makes me laugh instead.
8.) knowing my baby girl has a lot of me in her
9.) she has my eyes
10.) she loves art~ all forms of it, just like me: singing, dancing, drawing, acting, the list goes on...
11.) the wonderful opportunity to be a Mom
12.) the challenges of being a Mom that help me learn and grow as a person
13.) wonderful parents who taught me great values, both Earthly and Heavenly
14.) parents who taught me to work hard 

I could go on...
I'll post more tomorrow.  
Please share your list too!

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