Monday, May 2, 2011

Monday Musings...

one of these reasons I started this blog was to be able to express my thoughts in a healthy way ~ ANONYMOUSLY.
Well, now that I've told many of my friends and a few family members about the blog, I'm suddenly scared.  I find myself writing posts in my head before I can get them to paper or screen, but then promptly re-writing them.
What if I say the wrong thing?  What if I offend a friend or family member? What if they judge me harshly for my feelings, or worse yet, what if they avoid me because they know who I really am now?
NOT someone who is brave and inspirational to others, has it all  mostly together, knows what's she's doing and doesn't really care what anyone else thinks.  INSTEAD, someone who most days doesn't feel qualified to do my job life.  Walking around most days feeling like a scared little girl...feeling like a fraud.
Does it make you fake because you try to be what you want to be, but aren't?
You know, "fake it 'til you make it" sort of thing?
I completely agree that we all have faults that we should accept as part of ourselves, but is there really any reason not to try and better ourselves? I mean, I really need to be more organized; my life is too full for disorganization.  Things just operate more efficiently when everything has a place and is regularly in that place rather than buried under a pile of mail on the dining room table somewhere it shouldn't be.

You know one thing I'd like to improve on is what kind of spouse I am; cause I don't think I'm very good.
You see, I'm one of those NEEDY people.  I really need to feel loved and appreciated in order to reflect it back to the people I love.  I don't purposely withhold love, but gosh, when I feel unappreciated it is seriously difficult be loving.  I don't want to be that way; it's just how it is, but I am trying to change.
I want to be the wife that just exudes love, gratitude, and pride for my husband all the time.  Because I do feel those things for him, they just aren't on the surface all the time anymore.
Life happened, we had kids, we got busy, and quite honestly, most days I feel like two ships passing in the night.
Why did no one ever tell us it would be like this? That a marriage is so much work?
I couldn't help but ponder all this as I watched the Royal wedding footage again over the weekend - and cried.  Yes, I cry at weddings!
Partially because it's so sweet to witness vows and the union of the two.  Two, becoming one.  Because I believe that in God's eyes, that's what marriage is.
But, (I think) I also cry a little because they have no idea what's in store for them! Both the good and the not so good.  There are lots of awesome moments in starting a new life together, having kids, etc., but there is also lots of compromise involved.
I have to say, I take issue with William not wearing a ring, but also with Cate not saying "to obey" in her vows.  God never meant "to obey" to mean the husband Rules Over the wife; so many people completely misconstrue the Biblical meaning of submission (but that's another post:-) ).
I also think even us "commoners" put way too much into the wedding and not nearly enough into the marriage.  Weddings have turned into huge parties and celebrations with a distorted focus.
It certainly should be a celebration, but isn't the union of these two, the lifetime commitment of love and togetherness, the real point?
I really believe all couples should go through a pre-marital course before getting married.  You really should have to talk about things like having kids, how to discipline them, your standard of living, travel and vacationing, as well as general finance issues.  It really can save a lot of time and tears later if you discuss it before the wedding.
It might not prevent all marriages from splitting up, but it might keep some from happening in the first place!

So what do you think?
Did you watch the royal wedding? Have an opinion about if they'll stay together or not?

What's your mind mulling over this Monday?

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