Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Digging out...

I realize I haven't been a very good friend lately...
or a very good wife...
or a very good Mom...

Ok, I think you get the point!

I let myself sink into this funk I just couldn't pull myself out of.  Instead of concentrating on what I was doing well and what was going right, I just couldn't see past the mountain of difficulties.  It became this cycle of me beating myself up over not being the wife or mother or friend or person I wanted to be.
I was exhausted all the time (still haven't quite fixed that one) and just didn't want to do anything.

Well a couple of days ago, I discovered "an out."
If I couldn't make the negative talk get out of my head, not yet, at least, I would put something better in my head to counteract it.
I became very intentional about thinking of things that make me happy and bring me joy.
I came up with a great list! It includes, of course, my kids.  Every day they do something adorable or hilarious and I really do like to laugh.  It does do the soul good and probably the physical body as well.
I thought about dating my husband and all the fun things we did in college...the first time he told me he loved me (just as I was about to give up and think he didn't feel the same way)...and this one time when he came to visit me at my apartment.

We were separated for the summer.
He'd moved back home to work with his Dad in construction. His days started before sunrise and he usually went to bed before dark.
Back in college town, I was attending summer school every morning and then going to one or both of my two part time jobs at the mall.  Fun times {sarcasm}!

Anyway, we LIVED for the weekends when we were able to see each other but since we were living 3 hours apart, it wasn't every weekend.  One weekend when he was supposed to visit, my younger brother and his friends were in town for a Dave Matthews concert.  I left to run an errand for them and when I came back, my roommate said, "Your boy's here."

When I walked into my room, he was sitting on the floor leaning against my bed.  Heavy construction boots still on his feet, caked with dried mud and concrete.
He was a mess! Practically covered from head to toe in mud and concrete and just general grime! I even remember finding mud on his ear!

But all I remember about seeing him like that, was that I thought he's never looked better!

It meant so much to me that he'd hopped in the car and come straight to me rather than going home for a shower.  It made me feel so special that he wanted to see me that badly.  It assured me that even if he hadn't said it in so many words, he did feel the same way about me as I felt about him.  It made me feel so loved; like nothing else mattered besides how we felt about each other.

...not the distance...
...not the rocky start we got because some people didn't approve of "us"...

It is one of my greatest memories of our relationship.  It always makes me smile; I hope it made some of you smile too!

In addition, I do want to apologize to all my friends; my online friends, as well as my real life friends.  I have been conspicuously absent for a while now and I'm truly sorry.  I am pulling myself out of this funk and I will be back in touch soon, I promise!

AND, just in case you haven't ever checked her out...Texan Mama wrote a post about acceptance that just really hit home for me.  It's almost like she climbed inside my head and wrote down my thoughts!
Go check it out here.

Thanks for stopping by Gleaning Grace!


  1. "I became very intentional about thinking of things that make me happy and bring me joy." Isn't this the key? Too, I have found that the more I am in the Word, the more that promises come to mind rather than that negativity. If you don't already, following Ann Voskamp is such a great way too, to remember to be grateful. Thank you for this post!

  2. I am just clueing into the whole intentional thing too and about how I can CHOOSE joy, but it's a daily battle. I really enjoyed reading this post. Another great reminder for me.