Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Accepting Love

I am a thinker.

I can THINK something, ANY THING to death.

I will wrap myself up in it for so many days and for so long that sometimes I

wonder which came first:  Me or this question I am thinking on and wrapping

up in.

And all around me answers are swirling...

the pastor preaches on GRACE {my favorite subject}...

my women's small group Bible Study reminds IMPLORES us to remember

"We Are Chosen, We Are Redeemed," and "We are Promised an Inheritance

in Him..."

fellow bloggers talk about what we were made for, and how to

 walk, live, BE who He sees when He sees us...

And the more I think on it, the more I realize how weak and inconsistent

I really am!  I coast along for awhile, thinking I might be getting a handle

on this mess that is Me.  And when things don't go My way, I suddenly

wonder where He is.

Why is it that I have no problem turning to Him for comfort, instead of just

relying on Him fully in everything, all the time?

My Bible Study guide asked today ~
What would your life be like if you fully rested in the fact that God has nothing but good for you?
What would that look like?

I'm not even sure I can wrap my head around "fully rested!"  I walk around

most days like a zombie, doing what comes next and hoping, praying - even,

that nothing unexpected happens in-between.

The phone calls from a husband almost home, but right when I am

scrambling to feed kids and get one to dance on time.  Doesn't he

know that is the WORST time to call??

The customer who calls and needs X product yesterday, because it's

urgent, and how fast can I get it to her?

And I hate the ugly human responses that come as a result of the

unexpected.  I feel guilty and I feel the need to confess and repent these

unloving actions shown towards those I love most.

What if I remembered in those moments, "God has nothing but GOOD for


I read today that we cannot REALLY repent until our hearts go from have to

to want to.  Am I saying, "God, I'm sorry" because I got caught? because I

feel bad, BUT she/he/they really deserved it?

I WANT to want to obey, to please Him, and yet I volley back and forth

between sin and repentance.

I KNOW, that I KNOW, that I KNOW that He has chosen me, He has

Redeemed me, and He has promised me eternity.  None of those things

would be true if He didn't FIRST love me.

I read a greeting card today that went something like this...

...the times when I lash out at you; treat you in a way I shouldn't; respond to you in a way that seems the opposite of loving; it's those times that I actually love you the most - NEED you the most.  Because I love you so much and can't imagine life without you, but I am afraid.  Afraid that the more you know me, the deep down ugly of me, that you will fall out of love with me; I will lose you and have to live without you.

This was obviously meant as a conversation between a man and woman.

Boy, am I glad it doesn't apply to how God feels about me! But it might apply

to how I feel about God; why else would say I KNOW He loves me, yet

walk around dejected and not at all living like a loved, chosen,

redeemed daughter of the King!?

ANY OTHER besides Him would have lost patience with me a long,

long, time ago.

I am so grateful, He will never stop loving me, despite my fears and

shortcomings; aren't you?!

1 comment:

  1. It is so hard to get those brain things to become heart things and then LIVE like we mean it, believe it all. <3