The last five SIX days have been absolutely crazy!
So crazy, I don't even know how long it's been since I've written...
There was a trip to Myrtle Beach, SC which was full of dance competition and TONS of kids and nothing but a pretty view of a beach from my hotel window. Seriously, I didn't get to set one toe on the beach :-(
Sickness and just general worn-out-edness (I know that's not a word, but you get what I mean, right?)...
We were all so tired and worn out from the trip, we still haven't caught up!
Thank goodness for Spring Break!
And the Easter parties, and choir practice for Easter Sunday, and my home business parties, and, and, and, and...
In addition to all the outward craziness, my mind had been a blur of activity as well. Going round and round on several different things.
I realized today (or maybe it was yesterday) that all those things were really ONE thing.
And really, I'm afraid to even try to tell you or explain about all the thoughts that have consumed me these past 6 days.
REALLY. Because if I did, you might think I'm crazy.
And, maybe? Maybe I am.
But the ONE thing that connected for me this morning was this: BALANCE.
All of the battles I have been fighting lately --physical, mental, emotional, introspective (you name it, I've been dealing with it)--all go back to finding the balance.
...the balance between KNOWING the right thing to do and doing it...
...the balance between sharing the truth in love and offending someone with your opposing viewpoint...
...the balance between standing up for yourself and being selfish and self-righteous...
...the balance between having an inexplicable desire to do something and having the courage to step out of my comfort zone and actually do it...
...the balance between knowing I am honest and trustworthy and accepting that other people may never see it that way...
I have been all sorts of out-of-balance lately. It makes me irritable and frustrated and certainly not a blessing to be around.
I'm such an analytical person anyway, that when I get like this, all out-of-balance, I turn even more inward and questioning. I'm not sure it's helpful - gotta strike that balance...
Someone said in bible study group this morning, the need to be liked is fundamental in most girls. That NEED makes us do things we might not otherwise do. I've already addressed my self-worth issues on several occasions: here, here, and here just to name a few.
I wish I didn't have this fundamental NEED to be liked! Gotta strike that balance between wanting to be liked and liking myself despite what others think of me.
We also talked about how no amount of worldly achievement can quench that desire. And that when we start thinking about tearing someone else down to build ourself up, we need to take care not to fall into that trap.
How dwelling on the past (no matter the specific issue) can keep us from receiving new blessings.
Isaiah 43:18-19
Do not call to mind the former things, or ponder things of the past. Behold, I will do something new, Now it will spring forth; will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert.
Isn't that a great promise?
I love it! Gotta strike that balance between pondering the past and future blessings...
As I was driving home today, I got to the point in my journey where I needed to turn left.
Even in this tiny town I live in turning left out of, or into, a place or street can be a big pain. Especially when most of the traffic lights never have a green arrow; just a green light to yield to oncoming traffic.
As I sat, not so patiently, waiting to turn across the other lane of traffic, I notice a truck up on the right hand side trying to pull out onto this same road. He was on my right, but turning left out of a business and onto the same road I sat waiting on.
Just as there was a break in the traffic and I had an opportunity to turn left and continue home, this guy turns out onto the road making me wait again.
My first reaction (and I'm not proud of it) was, how dare he? Didn't he see me sitting here waiting all this time? Doesn't he know how difficult it is to turn left anywhere on this road? What's his deal?
Well, his deal was it was his turn to go.
He had also sat waiting for the safe opportunity to pull out. Chances are, he hadn't noticed me sitting there waiting; if he was a good driver, he wouldn't have because he should've been paying attention to his own situation.
And just that quick, I couldn't believe how self-centered I had become! Gotta strike that balance between looking out for myself and being self-righteous...
I finally made it home and plopped myself down on the couch to eat lunch.
Immediately, my dog comes and positions herself at my feet.
As far as I can tell, she did it only to be near me. She'd been alone all morning and she just wanted to be close to someone else.
And as soon as she did it, I knew the source of my balance issues this past week (or longer)...
I hadn't been sitting at the feet of the Jesus.
just to be close to Him...
just because I'd missed Him...
just because I'd felt alone and He was there.
It was another good reminder:
busy-ness is not an excuse for not talking to God, not worshipping God, not thanking God for all He blesses me with.
Yes; balance can be difficult, but when we keep our eyes and our hearts on Him, He won't let us fall.
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