Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Some things have to marinate a while...

It's the day before Mother's Day, when my Mom says out loud what I've been thinking all week...

"You have to wait a long time to really enjoy Mother's Day..."

and then I think she said something like, "but it's easier when your kids are grown and have kids of their own."

And just the day before that, a friend posted on Facebook how humorous she found it that all her friends with kids simply wanted to be AWAY from those kids for Mother's Day.

These and my own thoughts about what I wanted for Mother's Day {prompted by my husband's constant questions on the subject} had me thinking quite a bit about Mother's Day.  
What it means...if it means I should spend MORE time with the little people who make me a mother...if I should spend LESS or NO time with them so that I can recharge and be a better mother.

And all these thoughts were floating around for so long, just waiting to be posted.  I could not make them into a cohesive train of thought, much less a post that held together.

But then I read this and I realized how I set myself up.  Grand expectations for unrealistic events - based on what? Certainly not history! A Hallmark commercial? Sappy greeting cards?

And I chuckle at this chain of thoughts because isn't that the definition of insanity? Doing the same things but expecting different results?

I know my kids and my husband.  While they are sweet and I KNOW that they love me, Hallmark material - they are not!

And I am ALL FOR going into the next holiday DAY with no expectations and definitely no sense of entitlement.  

That entitlement monster is one that really gets to me.  It's kind of like the Hulk - 
"You won't like me when I'm feeling entitled!"

And I find that it's an emotion (?) that can come so easily.  When I'm feeling so tired, running on empty, and unappreciated, what generally follows is...

"I deserve better than this..."
"I deserve to be appreciated..."
"I deserve a break now and then..."
"I deserve..."
"I deserve..."
"I deserve..."

And that's not really fair {for lack of a better way to say it}.

Don't I have so much MORE than I deserve?

Didn't I beg and plead with my husband and with God, to BE a Mother in the first place?

How dare I complain that I can never get away from these little people who call me Mom? How dare I complain that the best gift I got was a nap?

I. GOT. A. NAP!!!!

So regardless of the fulfillment of the day someone else deemed "Mother's Day," I am doing my best to enjoy every day as a day that I am blessed with two beautiful kids. 

I don't want to get to those Mother's Days down the road, when it {maybe} feels easier, and wish these days back.  I want to look back, proud of the way I enjoyed all the moments - easy and hard- that make me a mother.

I hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day as well as wonderful "mothering" days since!

1 comment:

  1. It's always our rights that get us. Oh My, to give up my "rights"! So glad you got a nap.=)