Saturday, October 4, 2014

Day 4 of Crazy - On Being Brave

When I decided to write for 31 Days {on top of the other "extras" I've committed myself to this month}, the first word that came to mind was 
because I knew that adding in all these things would take some serious courage.

Because "all these things" are all things that make me uncomfortable, pull me out of my "normal."

And while I did elect to do all of these things, it doesn't make doing them any easier.

And that's where BRAVE comes in.

I don't know what BRAVE means to you, but here's what I think of when I hear the word:
  1. Being Bold
  2. The Cowardly Lion {I know that one's weird}
  3. Going somewhere or doing something you've never done before {ding, ding, ding, we have a winner...}
  4. acting without fear
I'm already doing #3, by the way.

That last one is a big one for me.  As much as I despise fear  - living in fear, acting out of fear, giving in to someone or something due to fear - I have to admit it's something I deal with everyday.

In my lowest times, I have been fearful about everything from dropping my baby to leaving the house.  Sometimes something as small as getting out of the bed - the knowledge that I had to get up and take care of a tiny human all day - would send me to a not-so-good place.

Even on my best days, I live with fear.  My biggest fear has always been that something would happen to my husband or one of my kids.
It's an unnatural fear.
One I try to suppress, but one that is so much bigger than me.
I pray about it.
I read scripture to calms my fears.

But my fears still live in my head and, worse, in my own voice they remind me they're still there.

In my last post, I mentioned being transparent.
To me that encompasses both fear and bravery.

It takes bravery to be transparent.  To accept challenges that seem difficult.

But it also takes bravery to admit fear.

So in these next 27 days, my goal is to be transparent.  To write about daily life.  To write about being BRAVE in daily life.

But to also write about fear.

My suspicion is that BRAVE and FEAR will go head-to-head at least once during that time.

My plan is that BRAVE will win.

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